Sillie Sallie's Surefire Solutions And Speculations

Sillie Sallie says, well, Nothing.

Walking through the gate to the Sheep Pen, you notice that something is missing....namely, Sallie. As you look around, puzzled, Rham Beau clears his throat and saunters up to you.

"Hiya" he says, looking uncomfortable. "Sallie says that today's word is INTERNET, and since your readers already have to be on the internet to be reading your reports, they must already know all about it, and so they don't need her to explain it to them, and she'll see you tomorrow." With that, Rham Beau ambles off, apparently sure he has done what is expected of him.

Sillie Sallie says HAIRSPRAY!

Entering the Sheep Pen today, you are a little concerned about what might happen, given yesterday's fiasco. However, there is apparently nothing to worry about. One look at Sallie standing next to her stump tells you that she has put her embarrassment behind her. On the stump next to her is a rather rusted old spray can, presumably empty, that once contained oven cleaner. Sallie herself is particularly well groomed, and instead of her ear ribbon, she has tied little ribbons around every single curl on her head, all in different colors.

"Hello! Today we will talk about HAIRSPRAY." Sallie pauses and shakes the empty oven cleaner can at you. "Hairspray is a sticky substance, like liquid flypaper. Humans use it on their hair to make it stay curled, just one more way they are trying to make themselves look beautiful. Sheep have natural curls and beauty, so we need not do this. Hairspray has no other value whatsoever."

Sallie shakes her ribboned curls at you, smiles, and departs, as usual not bothering to let you get a word in edgewise.

Sillie Sallie says GASOLINE!

When you arrive at the Sheep's Pen this afternoon, Sillie Sallie is already snuggled onto the stump, looking a bit impatient and ready to begin. Although you are not late, you apologize, as that appears to be what is expected. Sallie nods and then smiles sweetly..

"Hello! Today we are going to learn about GASOLINE. Gasoline is a very stinky substance that machinery must drink to make it go. It also seems to make humans unhappy, because the grumble every time they have to feed it to the machines. Also known by it's shortened name, GAS, it-" Sallie is interupted at this point by an off key musical chorus coming from the vicinity of the pigpen.

"IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT SQUEEL AND BURP!

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT SQEEL AND BURP!

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT

THEN YOUR GAS WILL SURELY SHOW IT!

AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW THAT YOU'RE A TWERP!"

A quick look tells you that the piglets have lined up by the fence and are having the time of their lives. By the time you turn back, all you catch is a glimpse of a highly embarrassed Sallie as she hot hoofs it into the barn

Sillie Sallie says, FIANCE!

As you enter the Sheep's Pen today, you find Sillie Sallie sitting on her stump, glaring across the pen at a rather woebegon Rham Beau. Apparently his spontaneous sprint didn't do him one bit of good. Noticing you, Sallie gives one final glare to her downcast boyfriend, and turns to look at you, a falsly bright smile suddenly appearing on her face.

"Hello!" Sallie burbles, "Today we are going to talk about the word FIANCE." She pauses to glare at Rham Beau, who suddenly developes an intense interest in a torn bit of cabbage leaf. "FIANCE is the next logical step in any long term relationship. It comes immediately after "girlfriend" and right before "wife". After "wife" comes "widow", but we shall save that discussion for another day."

With that, Sallie absentmindedly waves a hoof at you, stomps over nd kicks Rham Beau, sticks her nose into the air, and sashays into the barn.

It appears that we are done for the day.

Sillie Sallie Says, ELOPEMENT!

As you enter the gate to The Sheep Pen, you see Sillie Sallie staring dreamily off into space. She has left the spectacles behind, and her sketchbook dangles, almost falling from her grasp. You have to clear your throat twice before she even notices that you have arrived. Sallie finally sees you, and smiles dreamily.

"Hello! Today we are going to talk about ELOPEMENT." Sallie flutters her eyelashes at Rham Beau, who until that moment had been happily munching his lunch. Suddenly, he doesn't look so hungry anymore. Sallie's eyes cease batting, and she returns her attention to you. "Elopement is a form of wedding ceremony. Unlike the expensive, sometimes embarrassing traditional wedding ceremony, in an elopement, the couple secretly and VERY romanticly run off together and marry in secret."

At this, poor Rham Beau, who has been looking a little ill, suddenly jumps up and runs at top speed across the field, with no apparent intention of stopping anytime soon. Sallie shrieks, flings the sketchbook into the air, and takes off after him, yelling, "WAIT! You're doing it wrong! You have to take me WITH YOU!"

The sketchbook falls on the compost heap, and you make a hasty retreat.

Sillie Sallie says, "DANDELION!"

Today, you barely make it through the gate before Sillie Sallie bounces up to greet you. Sallie is in a great mood, and in addition to her pink ear bow, she has donned an old pair of wire spectacles. Upon closer inspection, you notice that the spectacles have no glass. Sallie is carrying a bouquet made entirely of dandelions. She shakes them at you, and you sneeze. Sillie Sallie smiles triumphantly, apparently having proven her point, which is a point known only to her, and sits down, preparing to speak.

"Hello!" she says, and clears her throat. "Today is the day for the letter "D", and THAT means we are having a history lesson." She shakes the dandelions again, but you fail to sneeze. Sallie frowns. "Anyway.....Once upon a time, long ago, in a land beyond the south pasture, there lived a lion named Leonard." Sallie pauses for dramatic effect. Seeing none, she wilts a little, and then continues. "Leonard was a snazzy dresser, always insisting on having the latest ribbons and ties. He loved going out. He was a real party animal. Unfortunately, in addition to being such a dandy, he was also a practical joker. His favorite trick was to fill his mane with pepper, so that when he shook it, everyone around him would sneeze. This didn't make him a very POPULAR party animal, as you can imagine.'

Sallie stops a moment and looks at you over the top of her wire frames. "With me so far, or should I baaack off a bit? I keep forgetting you are only human." When you assure her that you are fine, she continues, still looking a wee bit skeptical.

"Finally, all of the other lions had had enough. They chased poor Leonard out of the pride and far away, where, incidentally, Leonard had a much better life with people who owned a circus and appreciated him. But as he ran away, he yelled a curse at his former friends, swearing that from that day on, they would be forced to sneeze every spring, in memory of that horrid day. As he spoke and ran, billions of little white seeds appeared and the wind blew, spreading them throughout the lands and causing much achoo. From the seeds grew a new flower, one that blew apart and spread with the merest breath."

Sallie looks at you and shakes her bouquet again. You sneeze obligingly. She smiles.

"To this day, those flower grow and spread, causing us to sneeze, so that no one will ever forget the wrongs heaped on the DANDY LION!?

Smiling with satisfaction brought on by a history lesson well taught, Sillie Sallie wanders back to the Pen.

Sillie Sallie says, "COFFEE GROUNDS!"

Quietly entering the Sheep's Pen, we find Sillie Sallie in a much better mood today. She even has a new pink ribbon on her ear, and you can hardly see yesterday's dill pickle stains at all.

Sallie smiles sweetly and says, "Hello! Today's topic is COFFEE GROUNDS." Sallie takes a moment to thumb through her sketchbook. "Ah, yes, coffee grounds. Coffee grounds are formed when humans grind coffee beans and pour hot water through them. It is important that they do this because the resulting brown liquid, when combined with sugar and cream, forms a powerful medicine that humans use to keep their eyelids from falling shut during the day."

Sallie pauses a moment, nodding wisely. "Once humans have extracted the medicine, the coffee grounds are combined with broken eggshells and cast onto the compost heap. Once there, they become very, very dangerous." Sallie's look becomes stern. "Never nibble them. They taste nasty, and the eggshells can scratch your lip. If you step in them while they are wet, they glue themselves to your hooves and REFUSE to come off! It makes it impossible to polish your hooves! So, my advice is, avoid coffee grounds at all cost."

Satisfied that se has been informative, Sillie Sallie sashays off, leaving you to ponder her words until tomorrow.

Sillie Sallie says. "BEESTING!"

As we enter the Sheep's Pen today, we find Sillie Sallie sitting on a stump, holding her sketchbook, looking rather sullen. She has a slice of dill pickle firmly pressed onto her wooly brow. Nothing seems to be going right today. After seeing yesterday's advice, Blacksheep very sternly told Sallie that she must research her facts a little better. And Sallie's boyfriend, Rham Beau, was quite stern when he told her that if she was going to tell people to get stung by bees, she simply MUST come up with a cure for THAT, too.

Since today is "B" day, Sallie has decided to tell you about the cure for beesting. She would rather have discussed "bacon bits", but, oh, well....

Seeing you, Sallie smiles brightly. "Hello! Today we are going to discuss how to cure beesting." She shakes her head a little, and the pickle falls to the ground. Sallie retrieves it, places it squarely back on her head, and continues. "For beesting, firmly press a slice of dill pickle against the stung area for about five minutes".

That said, Sillie Sallie takes the pickle back off of her head, eats it, and stomps off in something of a huff. Maybe she will be in a better mood tomorrow.

Sillie Sallie says, "ARTHRITIS!"

Sillie Sallie sits staring at her old sketchbook. She's been pretty excited about her internet debut, so excited that all the other sheep are ready to banish her to the pig pen to wait things out. Sallie has decided that they are just jealous.

Sallie's sketchbook doesn't have sketches in it. It has notes that Sallie made about the various bits of knowledge she has picked up along the way. She has decided that to keep things simple, she will be doing things alphabetically. Today, being the first day, is "A" day, and that means she will speak about Arthritis.

Sallie looks up at you and begins:

"Hello! Today we are going to talk about Arthritis. Arthritis is a horrid disease you get if you eat spoiled parsnips. To cure arthritis, find a bumblebee and let it sting you, on the head, if possible. The arthritis will not seem so baaaad!"

Smiling, Sallie waves a hoof at you and leaves, happily sure that she has helped millions.

Thanks a lot, Sallie.

The Legal Gobbledygook (Disclaimer)

No character here is a represenation of any human or particular creature, living or dead. Any similarities to humans or particular creatures, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Sillie Sallie is a work of fiction. Copyright 2007 by Blacksheep Jewelry. All rights reserved.